Picture of Pastor Mama

Apparently someone at the Moms and Kids retreat got a picture of me preaching with babe-in-arms.  Not very flattering of me, but I never like the way I look in pictures.

Pastor Mama

Ever since I first discerned my call to ministry I have been concerned about my ability to maintain dual roles.  To what extent would I be able to have friendships with people within my congregation, especially if I'm serving in a small town and my opportunities for friendships outside of my congregation are greatly limited?  In the community, is everything I do seen as the Pastor of Such-and-Such Lutheran Church endorsing this or that, or are there times when I can just be Karen doing what she likes?  If I ever get married (much to my surprise, this actually did happen), to what extent will my married life be on display?  To what extent does my husband have to fill the traditional role of 'pastor's wife'?  How can I protect my kids' right to be themselves and make their own mistakes?

Over time I worked out the answers to most of these questions.  My internship was in a very small town, but the congregation understood itself to be training a not-quite-yet pastor, so there was never any question about my authority (I had none).  That made it easier to make friends within the congregation, as they were able to see me as a person rather than THE PASTOR.  The congregation where I served my first call was in a good-sized suburb just outside of Baltimore, and there were plenty of opportunities for me to make friends outside of the congregation (the fact that I didn't was my own fault).  However, when I did do something in the community and was seen by someone in the congregation, my activities and behavior were analyzed and subjectively judged by various members based on how they believed a pastor should spend her free time; that was an ongoing problem for as long as I was there.  My husband was allowed to define his own role as THE PASTOR'S FIANCE at the congregation I was serving when we became engaged, as well as at the congregation where I served my next interim (though by the second interim he had graduated from fiance to full-fledged PASTOR'S HUSBAND).  Both interim congregations saw me as THE PASTOR, though they also both recognized me as a human being with a life of her own.  I've come to realize just how rare and valuable a trait that is in a congregation.  The last congregation I served believed it was their right and privilege to define my role as pastor, my role as a a person in the community, my husband's role as pastor's wife, and our role as parents.  I think the only reason my kids were allowed to be themselves was because my son was less than two years old and my daughter was a newborn.  That call didn't last long, and is the reason why I'm unlikely to ever serve in another congregation, and my husband wants nothing do to with church at all.

At the second interim and my last call, I was both PASTOR and MAMA.  But at all times, when I needed to be the pastor, someone else was there to take over the kids.  And when I had primary responsibility for the kids, I could usually put being the pastor on hold.  I've never had to be both PASTOR and MAMA fully and simultaneously.

Until this past weekend.

A few months ago I was asked to serve as Chaplain for Camp Calumet's Moms and Kids weekend retreat.  For some insane reason, I agreed.  So there I was Friday night, showing up late for the retreat because my GPS put me on the wrong side of the lake from the camp.  I'd had to call my husband on my cell phone and ask him to look up where I was on Google Maps and guide me verbally to where I was supposed to be.  This took nearly thirty minutes of me driving a manual transmission one-handed down unfamiliar dark, windy, hilly roads while juggling a skinny little smart phone (no hands-free technology available) with two freaked out kids in the back seat because mama gets a little scary when she's really stressed out.

Needless to say I was not in a good state of mind when we finally made it to the camp, and I was really hoping I was late enough to have missed the devotion I was supposed to lead, because I didn't think I could possibly guide everyone through a calm, relaxing, meditative experience of centering prayer right then.  Unfortunately I hadn't missed it.  Fortunately we did about an hour of get-to-know-you games first.  Usually I hate those games, but this time I was grateful that they allowed me the time to pull myself together enough to lead the centering prayer.

Of course, I didn't get to do any centering prayer.  All the other kids were older and able to at least sit still and quietly during the extended silence; I learned the next day that some of the 9 to 13 year olds actually did the exercise as I'd instructed, and got something out of it.  My kids, however, were 2 and 4, super-excited about being in a new place with new toys and new people, happy to be out of the car after a 3 hour drive, and up well past their bedtime.  I had my hands full keeping them quiet enough to not completely disrupt the prayer.  The fact that this was a group of moms praying probably helped; they're used to tuning out that kind of noise.

The kids were doing a separate activity the next morning when I was leading the bible study, so I was able to be PASTOR with no distractions.  The rest of the day I got to be exclusively MAMA, since our evening devotion got redefined as the call to worship Sunday morning due to a conflict of geography and technology.  (I needed an audio file on my laptop to help with the devotion, which was impossible once a critical mass of moms insisted that the devotion be moved from the room in the conference center where is was originally scheduled to on the beach, tacked on to the end of the campfire.)

The next morning was when my two roles collided.  I was leading Sunday worship on the deck outside of the conference center.  Hymnals, sermon, communion, the works.  My kids had taken a real shine to another mom, who was there with her mother and her 8 year old son, and they graciously agreed to keep my kids with them while I led.  Spencer was fine with that, especially once he realized that this other mom was happy to entertain him, rather than make him sit still in church the way I do.  I decided to just be grateful for the help and not try to make her hold him to my (very-high-but-still-achievable) standards.  But Naomi was having none of it.

The retreat director had found several volunteers to serve as assisting ministers, so after I led the order of confession and forgiveness and the prayer of the day, I got to sit down in the front row for a bit while other people did the readings.  Naomi spent much of that time on my lap, occasionally getting down to go see what Spencer was doing, then coming back to my lap.  She happened to be with her brother when the time came for the gospel reading and my sermon.  I was ten seconds into the gospel reading when Naomi appeared before me with her arms up and a look on her face that told me she knew very well that I couldn't give her a time-out right then, and she was prepared to throw as much of a temper-tantrum as she needed to in order to get what she wanted.  What could I do?  I picked her up and continued to read the gospel as she laid a very contented head on my shoulder.

That head didn't remain contentedly on my shoulder for long.  I was barely into my sermon when I was interrupted by a devastated wail right in my ear.  I looked behind me and saw Teddy Bear (which is actually a pink lamb with a felt flower sewn onto its hand, but Naomi calls him 'Teddy Bear') had managed to launch himself off my shoulder, over the deck railing, and into a prickly bush on the ground below.  The deck was low, but not low enough for me to reach Teddy Bear.  Naomi was demonstrating just how much capacity her two and a half year old lungs had.  I turned back to the somewhat bemused congregation and asked for a volunteer to go get Teddy Bear.  Several of the older kids raced to the stairs, and the one who got there first continued down and around to the bush, retrieved Teddy Bear, passed him to me through the railing, then returned to his seat.  I found where I'd left off on my sermon manuscript and continued on, Naomi once more contently resting her head on my shoulder and holding on very tightly to Blanket and Teddy Bear.  (I think she believed me when I whispered to her that if Teddy Bear fell down again he was staying down, though I know I couldn't have stopped other people from embarking on another Teddy Bear Retrieval Mission if they'd deemed one necessary.)  I preached an entire fifteen minute sermon holding my daughter in my arms behind the lectern that was serving as a pulpit.  While everyone else stood for the hymn of the day, I sat, Naomi on my lap (until she got down to see what Spencer was up to again) shaking my sore right arm vigorously.

She reluctantly stayed with the other mom while I did the communion liturgy, but made herself something of an obstacle during the distribution.  People coming to me for the bread had to step a little to the side and lean over her, because she was standing directly in front of me with her arms up again, wanting to be picked up.  This time it wasn't going to happen.  I can preach and turn the pages of my sermon manuscript one-handed--not so with ripping off small pieces of bread from a larger loaf and handing them to people one at a time.  Eventually I paused in the distribution, put one hand on her head, and gave her my standard blessing for children and others not receiving communion, with a slight deviant addition: "May you always know God's love and care in all that you do.  Now go stand over there please.  Amen."  And it actually worked!  She went and stood over where I told her to.  Ten seconds later Spencer was cutting the line and received the exact same blessing, word for word.  It worked for him, too.

Mercifully the service ended shortly after that.

I am a textual preacher, and the text on Sunday never mentioned Mother's Day.  I never mentioned Mother's Day, or mothers in general, in my sermon.  But what better day to have the preacher preach with her child in her arms?

For all that I've struggled with dual roles, the final verdict is that I am KAREN.  Sometimes I'm a whole host of other things, too.  But on Mother's Day, 2012, at Camp Calumet, New Hampshire, I was PASTOR MAMA.  And I'm good with that.

Christian Families, Motherhood, and Womanhood Series, Part Two: Biblical Womanhood and the Proverbs 31 Wife

Any serious conversation about Christian motherhood and womanhood must begin with Proverbs 31:10-31.  Bibles that use section headings call this “Ode to a Capable Wife,” “The Wife of Noble Character,” “In Praise of a Good Wife,” “The Virtuous Wife,” “Description of a Worthy Woman,” and the like.  In the original Hebrew, these verses are written as an acrostic poem, with each verse beginning with the successive letter of the Hebrew alphabet.  (For an example of this in English, see my post A Modern Psalm of Lament from a Former Pastor.)

The Proverbs 31 wife is the gold standard of Biblical Womanhood.  Biblical Womanhood is a movement within conservative Christianity (including Quiverfull) that emphasizes the role of women to be primarily (if not exclusively) that of wife and mother, often of as many children as God sees fit to give them.  They homeschool their children, are submissive and obedient to their husbands, and if they earn money, it’s through a home-based business that utilizes a traditional homemaking skill (such as sewing, soap or jewelry making, baking, or writing blogs or e-books that help other women to be better wives, mothers, housekeepers, and homeschoolers).  Every woman who keeps a Biblical Womanhood blog, and every woman who regularly reads one of those blogs, can tell you all about the Proverbs 31 wife, and how they aspire to be one.

So let’s start off by seeing exactly what we’re talking about.

Proverbs 31:10-31 (NRSV)

Ode to a Capable Wife

¹⁰ A capable wife who can find?
   She is far more precious than jewels.
¹¹ The heart of her husband trusts in her,
   and he will have no lack of gain.
¹² She does him good, and not harm,
   all the days of her life.
¹³ She seeks wool and flax,
   and works with willing hands.
¹⁴ She is like the ships of the merchant,
   she brings her food from far away.
¹⁵ She rises while it is still night
   and provides food for her household
   and tasks for her servant-girls.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
   with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She girds herself with strength,
   and makes her arms strong.
¹⁸ She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
   Her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ She puts her hands to the distaff,
   and her hands hold the spindle.
²⁰ She opens her hand to the poor,
   and reaches out her hands to the needy.
²¹ She is not afraid for her household when it snows,
   for all her household are clothed in crimson.
²² She makes herself coverings;
   her clothing is fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is known in the city gates,
   taking his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them;
   she supplies the merchant with sashes.
²⁵ Strength and dignity are her clothing,
   and she laughs at the time to come.
²⁶ She opens her mouth with wisdom,
   and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
²⁷ She looks well to the ways of her household,
   and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children rise up and call her happy;
   her husband too, and he praises her:
²⁹ ‘Many women have done excellently,
   but you surpass them all.’
³⁰ Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
   but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Give her a share in the fruit of her hands,
   and let her works praise her in the city gates.

(Scripture quotations are from New Revised Standard Version Bible, copyright © 1989 National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.)

Let me attempt to restate this vision of a capable wife into modern terms verse by verse (this is an off-the-cuff restatement, with no Hebrew exegesis involved at all):

10.  She is highly valued.

11.  Her husband trusts her, and benefits in every way from being married to her.

12.  She takes care to consider her husband and his needs in everything she does, and makes sure nothing she does is detrimental to him.

13.  She looks for the finest materials for her household and willingly works to make her house a home.

14.  She looks for a variety of healthy foods to feed to her family.

15.  She gets up early to make breakfast for everyone and to organize the daily duties—if she has a housekeeper or other household servants, she plans their agendas.

16.  She has her own money and makes her own investment decisions.

17.  She works hard.

18.  She knows her work is of good quality, and continues to work hard.

19.  She works hard.

20.  She is generous to the poor and needy.

21.  She’s not afraid of hard times, because she knows her family is well cared for.

22.  She takes care of her appearance and dresses well.

23.  Her husband is a leader in the community and well-respected.

24.  She earns her own money with the work of her own hands.

25.  She is strong, dignified, and confident about the future.

26.  She is intelligent and kind, and teaches others those virtues by modeling them herself.

27.  She is constantly seeing to the well-being of her household and isn’t lazy.

28.  Her children and husband love and respect her, and recognize that she is happy.

29.  She receives praise for being who she is.

30.  She knows that her blessings are from her relationship with the Lord, and not from physical beauty or charm.

31.  She enjoys the fruits of her hard work both materially and by being recognized for all that she does.

There’s a lot I can get behind in that.  I think it’s a wonderful vision for a modern wife and mother to aspire to.  But I have a problem with the way it’s often practiced in fundamentalist circles.

The first problem arises from the belief among conservative and fundamentalist Christians that the bible is the literal and inerrant word of God.  While that problem goes well beyond the interpretation of this fragment of scripture, I’ll sidestep the whole debate (for this post, anyway) and simply point out that if Proverbs 31:10-31 is God’s literal and inerrant description of a capable wife, then it is no longer a vision to be aspired to but a command to be obeyed.  And failure to live up to any part of this description is a violation of God’s command, which can have dire consequences for a woman’s hope for salvation and understanding of God’s love.

From there, one must recognize just how hard it is to be a capable wife according to this proverb.  She gets very little sleep since she stays up working late into the night (v. 18) and gets up early to make breakfast (v. 15), and never has downtime during the day (v. 27).  Again, as an ideal model of industriousness it’s fine, but as a command that must be practiced exactly, it leads to exhaustion and hopelessness.

Most conservative and fundamentalist Christians focus on the hard work and domestic activities of the capable wife.  She cooks her meals from scratch, makes her own clothes, keeps her house clean, teaches her children herself, supports her husband in all that he does, and whatever money she might make from a home-based business goes to help support her family.

But a lot of the benefits that the proverbial capable wife enjoys are overlooked or ignored, frequently because of other biblical passages that emphasize a wife’s submission to her husband, and the husband’s headship over his wife.  These, too, are considered the literal, inerrant word of God, and therefore commands that must be obeyed.  (Don’t ask me why obedience to those commands is apparently more important than obedience to the beneficial commands here—that would get me on a rant, which I’m trying to avoid in these posts.)

I’ve been following some of the blogs written by women in the Biblical Womanhood movement (or, if they don’t believe themselves part of a ‘movement,’ they at least aspire to be Proverbs 31 wives), and some of the references they make to their relationships with their husbands in the ‘About Me’ sections are troubling to me.  One, when stating that she most likely won’t respond to comments that question something she posted directly from the bible, suggests this for women who have questions about the bible:  “I do encourage you to bring it to your husband though, and follow his leading.”  I have no problem with talking it over with your husband (if you happen to have one), but the fact that he’s a guy doesn’t qualify him to lead in biblical interpretation.  I was amused by this statement in the ‘About’ section of the Ladies Against Feminism website:  “LAF is under the oversight of Stanley Sherman, minister of the Lancaster Church of Christ in Junction City, Oregon.”  Apparently ladies who oppose feminism cannot do so without the oversight of a man, or else they might be accused of being feminists themselves?  The one that bothers me the most is the blogger who proudly announces, “This blog is written and carried out under [my husband’s] oversight.”  By her own admission most of her posts are about “marriage, femininity, homemaking, homeschooling, children as blessings, virtuous maidenhood & boyhood and the importance of family discipleship and cultivating a generational vision for the family.”  While her husband may have some legitimate input on a few of those topics, it is clear that this blog is not written cooperatively.  He is overseeing her blog, which is written by a woman for other women, including her posts on femininity, homemaking, and virtuous maidenhood.

Compare that to the Proverbs 31 wife.  Her husband trusts her (v. 11).  That means he lets her do her own thing without his explicit oversight or control.  This is evidenced by the fact that she manages the household virtually on her own, using her own judgment and discretion (v. 13-15).  She has her own money and makes her own investment decisions (v. 16, 20, 24), and gets to spend at least a portion of her hard-earned money on herself (v. 31).  All her husband does is value her (v. 10), trust her (v. 11), is respected in his own right in the community (v. 23), and praises her (v. 28-29).  Overseeing her is never mentioned.

Verse 12 makes it clear that she only does her husband good and never causes him harm.  That aspect is highlighted in modern interpretations, but what is ignored is the fact that much of what the Proverbs 31 wife does has no real impact on her husband at all; they are neutral.  In other words, while she might only do her husband good, she doesn’t only do good for her husband.  She can and does engage in many activities that have absolutely nothing to do with him, so long as they don’t cause him harm.  And it’s assumed that he’s a mature, independent man who isn’t threatened by his wife’s obvious success, and is as supportive of her as she is of him (he wouldn’t be praising her efforts in verse 29 if he wasn’t supportive).

And as for the hard work, let’s not ignore the fact that she has servants (v. 15).  One thing I’ve not yet seen on a single Biblical Womanhood blog is mention of a cleaning lady.  A Proverbs 31 wife today is supposed to be some kind of ultimate superwoman, but the real Proverbs 31 wife had hired help.

Finally, what’s most significant is the fact that the Proverbs 31 wife is happy and fulfilled in her life.  She is strong, dignified, and is confident about her future (and looks great, too!)  She is wise, kind, and generous.  While I’m sure she has her bad days, for the most part she’s playing to her strengths in her life, and this is evidenced by the fact that she knows her value, and her husband, her children, and her community all recognize her worth.  Not every woman is called to this lifestyle.  I know that I’d like to be, and I’m aspiring to be a Proverbs 31 wife, but I also know that I fall far short, and there’s a good chance I’ll never get there in all respects.  I’d like to cook all of my meals from scratch, make my own clothes, have a clean house, homeschool my children, support my husband in all that he does, and make money from a home-based business.  Here’s how I’m doing so far:

• Most of my meals actually are made from scratch.  I make my own bread (with the help of a breadmaker), all my own baked goods, my own soups, my own tomato sauce, and I’m planning on planting a vegetable garden next year.  We eat very little in the way of prepackaged or processed foods.
• I’d like to make clothes for myself and my daughter (my husband and son will probably continue to wear store-bought—girls’ clothes are just easier to make).  I just bought a new sewing machine, a new pattern for my daughter and the fabric to go with it, and I have a bunch of old patterns for me that I plan on using soon.  Of course, I still have to make the curtains I’ve been planning since before Spencer was born nearly four years ago, which are now destined for Naomi’s room.  So there’s definitely room for improvement there!
• Total fail on the clean house thing.  I keep up with laundry and dishes, and the house is usually more or less picked up, but it’s not ‘clean.’  I aspire to hiring a cleaning lady.  In the meantime I triage, and I have a schedule/checklist I try to follow to help me at least keep things from getting too gross.  It sort of works sometimes, but not really.  Like I said, total fail here.
• I’ve already begun homeschooling my kids, though at ages 2 and 3, we’re taking it pretty slow and relaxed.  I’m beginning to look into curricula, will pick up the pace over the next year, and start in earnest when Spencer’s 5 and Naomi’s 3.  But as of right now, Spencer can recognize upper and lowercase forms of all letters, is beginning to learn the sounds they make and how to put them together, and can count to 13.  Naomi is beginning to recognize her letters, and can also count to 13.
• I like to think I support my husband in everything he does.  I believe he’d tell me if I weren’t.
• My home-based business is writing and blogging.  And except for a few old sermons I’ve sold to DesperatePreacher.com, I haven’t made a dime.  So far it’s just been a time-suck, though I’m hoping that the launch of my new Quiet Publications website in a month or so will change that.  Again, definite room for improvement.

And all this is a struggle for me.  I can’t say with certainty that I’m playing to my strengths by taking this path.  But I’m taking it because I want to and because I believe it’s best for me and for my family, not because the bible tells me that this is how I have to live or else I’m disobeying God’s command.  When I beat myself up for falling short of the ideal Proverbs 31 wife, it’s not because I fear for my salvation, but because I have a really nasty perfectionist streak.  I have to keep reminding myself that God (and my husband, and my kids) will still love me even if I don’t clean the bathroom today.

In all, Proverbs 31:10-31 is a fantastic model for how to be a Christian wife and mother in 21^st century America, but it’s not the only model.  My thanks go out to the practical advice I’ve received on several of those Biblical Womanhood blogs (the housekeeping schedule/checklist is one of those), but I just can’t get behind some of the theology they embrace.  Not to throw out the baby with the bathwater, however, I still check in with them from time to time, and I do feel encouraged by them (when I’m not deeply offended by them, that is!).

But my hope for all Christian (and non-Christian) women, Proverbs 31-inspired or not, is that they will be strong, dignified, confident about their futures, wise, kind, and generous.  Such a woman is truly blessed by the Lord, whether she recognizes it right now or not.

Did You Fall Off the Planet or Something?

No, actually I didn't.  Though with my last blog post being nearly six weeks old, I can understand how one may have come to that conclusion.

So what have I been doing?  Well, first off, my husband and I went into overdrive looking for a new home, so I was checking the MLS rental listings daily and Craigslist several times a day.  Not expecting much (good thing, too!) I also checked in to see what was for sale in southern New Hampshire, and only received further confirmation that the housing market is still delusional.  We went to look at several (rental) properties, most of which left us thinking, "Yeah, it could probably work," but pretty unenthusiastic overall.  However Craigslist did come through for us, and we found a beautiful home in Nashua that met all our requirements.  Office space for Tom, playroom for the kids, two-car garage for Tom, even space for me to have an office/craft room!  Walking through it with the then-tenants Tom quietly asked me what I thought of it, and I answered without hesitation, "I love it--I want this house!"  Tom apparently felt the same way, because he transmitted our already-filled-out-and-scanned rental application to the owner from his phone before we even left the house.  We were approved (cats and all), and then had to pack up the old house and plan our move here, which we accomplished nearly two weeks ago.  We're still moving the last of our crap valuable belongings here, and I think settling in is going to be a months-long process.  But we've got a home now, not just a house, and one with a fenced-in backyard which has enabled me to experience the joy of saying to my kids, "Just go out and play!"

On the writing side of things, I've been spending most of my time and effort keeping up with my Quiet Devotions blog, which is a daily devotional based on one of the lectionary readings for that day.  The key word is 'daily,' and, with the move especially, it's been all I can do to keep up with it.  I'm also planning on moving that blog over to the Quiet Publications website, which I'm still building and where I'll eventually be publishing other articles and selling bible studies, worship resources, and perhaps some books I've written (will write).  So yes, I've been spending time building the Quiet Publications website, too.

I'm also stealing some time here and there writing one of those bible studies that will eventually be offered for sale, but it's a priority right now because the idea for it came from the women's retreat I attended last November.  Some of the women and I were talking one day, and one of them went on a bit of a rant about John's gospel, which led to me making an offhand comment that they all found fascinating, which led to a brief conversation about why the gospels were written, which led to them informing me that I had to teach a bible study on that, which led to me writing a bible study called 'Gospel Agendas,' which I'll be teaching at my church sometime after Easter.

Oh yes, I've also been the primary caregiver for a two- and a three-year old.

Hopefully things will stabilize a bit here soon, and I'll get back to writing the next installment in my series on Christian Families, Motherhood, and Womanhood.  Until then, though, thanks for sticking with me, and watch for news about Quiet Publications.

Christian Families, Motherhood, and Womanhood Series, Part One: Government, Contraception, and the First Amendment

I’ve been spending a lot of time lately reflecting on what it means to be a Christian wife and mother in 21^st century America.  Partly this is because I am a Christian wife and mother in 21^st century America, and partly this is because I’ve been doing a lot of research on the Quiverfull movement for a novel I’m writing.  Watching the political battles unfold in the media have also contributed to this, as once again the candidates’ religious beliefs are being used to condemn, divide, and further alienate much of the electorate who seem to fall on the wrong side of something or the other.

As a result of all this reflecting, I’m going to be sharing several posts on the general subject of Christian families, motherhood, and womanhood, beginning today.  I hope you’ll stick with me, and as always I welcome your comments, whether you agree with my opinions or not, but I do ask you to keep it civil and respectful.  In return, I’m going to put considerable effort into keeping these posts as opinions rather than rants.  So without further ado, here is my Christian Families, Motherhood, and Womanhood Series, Part One:  Government, Contraception, and the First Amendment.

There has been a lot of outrage recently about the Affordable Care Act being managed by Health and Human Services (HHS).  (You can read the original press release announcing specifics of the Act here.)  Specifically the outrage is about the mandate that all employer-sponsored health insurance plans offer FDA-approved contraceptive services without cost-sharing, i.e. free of charge to the women who want them.  The Act does allow a narrow exemption for religious institutions to opt out of the contraceptive mandate, however that exemption did not originally include religious hospitals, universities, or other non-worship specific religious organizations.  At the time of this writing, the Obama Administration has indicated that it intends to recommend a compromise which would extend the exemption to those religious entities, and instead put the onus of free coverage on the insurance companies themselves, requiring them to contract with the covered individuals of exempted employers directly to provide contraceptive services for free.  (You can read the White House Fact Sheet on the compromise here.)

This article published by the National Catholic Register nicely summarizes many of the objections made not just by Catholics, but other Christians and even some Jewish groups.  This quote appears early in the article:  “But all see a major unifier in the mandate’s violation of the First Amendment guarantee of freedom of religion and protection of conscience.”  Some other quotes are:

• “We … call upon HHS Secretary Sebelius and the Obama administration to rescind this unjust ruling and to respect the religious freedom guaranteed all Americans by the First Amendment,” [the Assembly of Canonical Orthodox Bishops of North and Central America] stated.
• [The National Association of Evangelicals] noted that freedom of conscience is a “sacred gift from God, not a grant from the state.” It also said, “No government has the right to compel its citizens to violate their conscience. The HHS rules trample on our most cherished freedoms and set a dangerous precedent.”
• The Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod’s [Matthew] Harrison believes with this “secular assault on those of us who hold traditional Christian values … we have a responsibility to stand up and confess in the face of this opposition. It never has been more the time to stand up than now."

The first problem I see is with the appeal to the First Amendment.  Just as a point of reference, the text of the First Amendment reads as follows: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”  There is no mention in the First Amendment of “protection of conscience.”  In fact, there is quite a bit of precedent in the legal history of the United States that state (or Federal) laws that abide by a “neutral law of general applicability” (i.e. the law uniformly applies to everyone and does not single out a certain religion or religious practice) can interfere with the religious liberty of an individual if there is a compelling state interest.  (For an excellent discussion on this topic, read this summary by Richard S. Myers, Law Professor at Ave Maria School of Law.)  In this case the compelling state interest is equal access to medical care for women regardless of where they work.

In regards to the claim that this mandate violates the free exercise of religion (wording that is explicitly included in the First Amendment), this mandate does not require that women must obtain and use birth control that may be contrary to their faith.  To the Orthodox Bishops, HHS and the Obama Administration do respect the religious freedom of all Americans, including those who choose to refrain from birth control, and those who object to religious controls over their access to birth control.  To the National Association of Evangelicals, the government is not compelling its female citizens to violate their consciences (not-for-profit religious organizations do not qualify as citizens).  And to the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod, there is no secular assault on traditional Christian values; there are safeguards, however, to prevent a religious assault on non-Christian women who hold secular values.

I like the compromise that the Administration is recommending, because it achieves the public goal of providing free access to all women regardless of where they work, and it keeps religious organizations completely out of that arrangement.  The objection I’m anticipating to this compromise is the (probably correct) assumption that insurance companies will increase their rates across the board in order to pay for the women who contract directly with the insurance companies, thus making religious organizations pay for these services indirectly.

Yet the truth is that religious organizations pay for these services indirectly anyway, no matter what.  When a Catholic priest fills a prescription for the antibiotic Amoxicillin, he and his insurance company are giving profits to Teva Pharmaceuticals, the company that currently owns Plan B, which is considered by many conservatives to be an abortion-inducing pill.  Neither the Catholic Church nor any other church can dictate to Teva how they choose to use profits earned on products such as innocent antibiotics, nor can religious organizations dictate to insurance companies how those companies are to use the money they receive on insurance premiums, beyond providing the specific services required by their existing contracts.  So the ‘indirect payment’ argument is a nonstarter.

The fact is that while this country does respect the free exercise of religion, that freedom cannot come at the expense of public wellbeing, and at the moment, the availability of free birth control to women who have employer-sponsored health plans is considered necessary to public wellbeing.  (Whether it should be is a whole other debate, and will most likely be covered in a future blog post in this series.)

All that said, I do believe that there were some valid points made in the National Catholic Register article.  In particular I agree with John Stonestreet, national programs director of BreakPoint, a part of the Colson Center for Christian Worldview, who said the following: “The language of (HHS Secretary Kathleen) Sebelius’ release treats pregnancy as a disease that needs to be prevented. That’s bad news. Despite different stances we (Catholics and evangelicals and Protestants) have on birth control, that language is unacceptable and opens the door to a whole bunch of evils.”

I agree.  Sebelius’ exact words in the HHS press release were “The Affordable Care Act helps stop health problems before they start.”  That quote came immediately after a list of benefits, ending with “contraception without charging a co-payment, co-insurance or a deductible.”  That combined with the title of the press release—Affordable Care Act Ensures Women Receive Preventive Services at No Additional Cost—leaves little doubt that HHS considers pregnancy a health problem that should be prevented.  Interpreting the language that way is not a stretch; what is a stretch is interpreting it any other way.

Clearly I’m in favor of providing free access to contraceptives, but I strongly oppose characterizing pregnancy as a health problem to be prevented.  Pregnancy may not always be a delightful, mystical bonding experience of a mother and her child (morning sickness, gestational diabetes, excessive swelling, back pain, etc. are all medical issues associated with pregnancy that often need to be addressed proactively), but categorizing pregnancy as a health problem that needs to be prevented is the same as categorizing aerobic exercise as a health problem because it results in increased heart rate.  Both pregnancy and aerobic exercise need to be done carefully and wisely, but neither is a health problem to be prevented.

Does the wording really matter?  Yes.  All words matter.  I teach that to my kids all the time.  If you tell a person that they’re ugly, stupid, and worthless, eventually they’re going to believe it.  If the major health service agency of the United States government characterizes pregnancy as a health problem that needs to be prevented, then that too will enter into the public consciousness.  (In some ways it already has, but again, that’s a whole other blog post.  See why I have to make this a series?)  I don’t mind contraception being part of the Affordable Care Act, but I’d really rather it not be included under ‘preventative’ services.

The other point well taken in the National Catholic Register article is the one made by Nathan Diament of the Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations of America.  He stated, “Most troubling is the administration’s underlying rationale for its decision, which appears to be a view that if a religious entity is not insular, but engaged with broader society, it loses its ‘religious’ character and liberties. … The administration’s ruling makes the price of such an outward approach the violation of an organization’s religious principles.”  At the core of Christianity, Judaism, and (I believe) Islam is the understanding that the faithful must be actively engaged with the world, particularly in regards to charity.  Retreating into safe, private enclaves and ignoring the needs of your neighbors is simply not an option.  Yet the narrowly defined exemption requires exactly that.  (This is somewhat mitigated by the Administration’s compromise, which came about after the National Catholic Register’s article was written.)

In all, I think there’s overreaching by the Administration, and I think there’s overreaching by religious conservatives.  It’s going to take a lot of hard work and humility on both sides to recognize that the United States of America is not a theocracy, however it does need to respect that fact that it has a lot of people who live by strict religious principles.  Let’s try to figure out a way to respect both the religious and the non-religious, and not fight a Holy War over sexual morality.

Which is another topic I’ll be posting on soon.

Dear Real Estate Industry

You're mad at us, I know.  I can tell by the tone of the e-mail our realtor sent to my husband in response to our announcing that we're withdrawing our offer on the house we looked at last month.  Our realtor suggested (though never actually stated) that we were being unreasonable, and attempted to shame us into changing our mind by assuming that we were withdrawing our offer because we were not actually qualified for a mortgage and have "strung along the seller and the bank" all this time.

Here's the thing.  This house was a short sale.  It's been on the market for a year, and in that time has dropped its price by nearly $100K.  Even with that, the house was still overpriced, and we offered $15K less than the current asking price (a number which we still think is generous, considering that the house will need about $50K worth of repairs in the next five years).  But before we made the formal offer, we asked our realtor to find out from the seller if they would be willing to consider a low-ball offer, because we didn't want to waste anybody's time.  We were told to make the offer, and they would consider it.

This is my third time buying a home.  I've sold three already.  In every case, the initial offer was either accepted, countered, or rejected pretty quickly, and any acceptance was contingent upon the buyer securing their financing.  Yes, our offer was slightly higher than our pre-approval, but our mortgage broker didn't think that should be much of a problem and told us that once we had an accepted P&S he'd get to work at formally processing our mortgage for the entire amount.  He was operating under the same assumption I was: first comes the offer, then the acceptance, then the financing.  That's the way real estate transactions have worked for a long time, excepting some transactions where the sellers state up front that proof of funding must accompany all offers (this transaction was not advertised as such).

Our offer gave the sellers and their bank two weeks to approve our offer.  The sellers did their part in a day.  Their bank let the offer expire with no action.  We only found this out after we called our realtor on the day it was to expire to ask for an update.  He had nothing, because he hadn't been following up.  Acknowledging that those two weeks included Christmas, we extended the deadline on our offer until the middle of January.  This time our realtor called us on his own initiative the day the offer was to expire, to tell us that the bank hadn't done anything yet but that the sellers had hired an attorney to try to move things along.  The attorney called us a little while later and gave us a more detailed update: the bank wouldn't accept our offer until they'd appointed a negotiator, which he was optimistic would happen the following week.  After that, things should move much more quickly.  We decided not to formally extend the deadline of our offer, which gave us the option of pulling the plug at any time, or letting it ride and moving forward with it should the bank accept our offer later.  For the time being, we decided to let it ride.

A week later we got another call from the seller's attorney.  The bank still hadn't appointed a negotiator.  They needed more information before they would do so, and it could still be a few weeks.  An e-mail from our realtor informed us that some of what bank required was proof of financing and an addendum to the P&S stating that we would close within 60 days of approval.

We were fed up.  After failing to simply accept or decline an offer for a month and missing two contractual deadlines, the bank was demanding we guarantee a quick closing that would hinder our ability to fully inspect and assess the property, plus demanding proof of financing up front?  The whole thing reminded my husband of the scene in Empire Strikes Back when Darth Vader tells Lando Calrissian, "I am altering the deal.  Pray I don't alter it any further." 

Our realtor was offended at our offense, and informed us that "the bank is and has been working in a timely fashion...it is corporate America and procedure."

Well, corporate America, you have stated your terms, and we choose not to accept them.  Like Lando Calrissian, we believe this deal is getting worse and worse all the time, so we're getting out while we still can.

I don't care if you're mad at me, Real Estate Industry.  It's a sad day when a seller has to hire an attorney to get the bank to act on processing an already-approved short-sale.  It's an even sadder day when a buyer trusts the seller's attorney more than she trusts her own real estate agent.

I believe in honor, diligence, and good faith adherence to contractual obligations.  We have shown that.  So have the actual sellers of the house.  Real Estate Industry, you have not.  Your attempts to shame us have failed, because we cannot be shamed by an entity that itself has none.  Send us back the deposit we made in good faith, and go play your games with someone else.  If the game can only be played by your rules, then we choose not to play.  Despite what you may think and what you may want, we actually do have that option.

Have a nice day, and may the Force be with you.

Refocusing for the New Year

Yes, I realize we're coming up on the second week of January, but the general tone of my life for the past few years (ever since I became a mom, come to think of it) has been that of constantly trying to 'catch up' and maybe even 'get ahead' of things, and never quite achieving it.  So it makes perfect sense that I'm just now getting around to thinking about how I want to approach this new year.

Going into 2010, my hope was simply that it would be better than 2009.  I think I can honestly say it turned out to be worse.  Going into 2011, my hope was that it would be better than 2010.  Some things were better, some things were worse, so overall I'd call it a net neutral, i.e. no change.  Going into 2012, initially I was just hoping that it would be better than 2011, and then I realized that that strategy hasn't been working out so well for me.  So this time I want to set some specific goals on how to make it better.

I've never been a big fan of New Year's Resolutions.  They've never worked for me, and they seem just too trite and faddish.  Who doesn't go into the new year wanting to lose weight, get their finances under control, and be a happier/nicer/better person overall?  Oh yes, and quit or cut down on [insert favorite vice here].  But it seems I do need to be a little more specific and intentional if I want 2012 to be better than 2009, 2010, or 2011.

A blog I follow (Introverted Church) recently posted about having a New Year's Rule of Life instead of New Year's Resolutions.  According to author Adam S. McHugh, "a rule of life is a way of arranging the rhythms of your life - all aspects of your life - so that you can best embrace God's gifts."  He then further breaks it down into the four categories listed in Jesus' greatest commandment: "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength."  He suggests that you create your rule of life so that you have elements in each category that are natural and desirable (and therefore more likely for you to keep) as well as some things that are a bit of a stretch.  If you regularly and consistently fail at your rule of life, then it's a bad rule and you need to revise it.

I particularly like this way of thinking about things because I want to live a Christ-centered life that takes into account my gifts, abilities, circumstances, and limitations.  As I see it, if I set a rule of life that I can't keep, then it's probably not really a rule of my life, but a rule of someone else's life.  I am who I am, not who I wish I was, not who someone else thinks I should be.  I can make some changes to improve myself, but I can only improve upon what's already there, and not be something that I'm not.

So when I think about what I want 2012 to look like according to these categories, I immediately run into a problem.  I'm perpetually worried about finances, and, since we're still recovering from our long stint of dual unemployment a few years ago, that concern is somewhat justified (even though my husband is working now, and we've got a concrete and realistic plan that we're in the process of executing to cut our current expenses).  But Jesus didn't address financial stability in the greatest commandment, so trying to prioritize it as a goal in its own right doesn't work.

And maybe that's a good thing.  Our lowest period in the last three years was indisputably the seven months we lived in rural Iowa when I was serving as pastor at a highly toxic and unhealthy church.  Why were we there?  Because we'd been living entirely off savings for eight months when I started that call, my husband's industry seemed to have fallen into a black hole never to be heard from again, and our best hope for survival was for me to find a job (acknowledging that I'd earn less than half of what he'd been making).  My most marketable skill was ministry.  I didn't look too closely at the red flags that came up during my interview process, and I believed the fiction that the congregation presented.  If I hadn't been so desperate for a paycheck, maybe I would have looked more closely, and avoided the whole nightmare.  But wanting financial security was my overwhelming priority, and we're still paying for that mistake two years later.

So as far as my goal of financial security is concerned, I'm just going to have to let it go, because it doesn't have a place in a Christ-centered rule of life.  That doesn't mean I should be stupid about money, but it does mean that it's not important enough to warrant a place of its own.  I preach and write all the time about the importance of trusting God; maybe it's time I try it myself (practicing what I preach?  What a concept!).

So what is important enough to warrant a place of its own in a Christ-centered, great commandment ordered rule of life?

Heart:  In 2012, I'm going to have regular date nights with my husband in which we will learn to just enjoy each other's company again, rather than using the time to strategize our survival.  I'm going to play with my children at least once a week.  (I'm philosophically opposed to being my kids' primary playmate--they can play alone, with each other, and make their own friends, but I'm always going to be MOMMY first.  That said, it doesn't mean we can't have fun together.)  I'm going to make friends with some of the women at my church, starting with attending their monthly events.

Soul:  I've known since I left Iowa that I'm spiritually wounded and in need of healing.  It seems I've found a safe church home at my current congregation (where I'm just a member and, when necessary, provide pulpit supply).  I'll continue worshiping there, plus contributing to the ministry of the congregation (I've already been asked by some of the women I went to the retreat with in November if I'd teach a bible study on a specific subject).  I also find that I'm benefiting spiritually from writing Quiet Devotions, so I'll continue doing that, and I'll try to write other spiritual and theological resources.  (This might actually someday contribute to financial stability, as my hope is to self-publish and sell some congregational resources, but for now I'm only setting my goal on writing that enriches my own spiritual health, and trusting that if God wants to use those resources to help others, then he will.)

Mind:  As much as I like the idea of getting a Ph.D, I know that now is not the time.  Instead, I'm going to continue reading both fiction (I'm on a 19th century kick right now, though will sometimes mix it up with fantasy or contemporary literary fiction) and non-fiction, usually theologically related.  While I'll continue to follow politics, economics, and current events, I want to make this blog a little less political and a little more personal, spiritual, and theological.  If I comment about politics or current events, I'm going to try to look at it from a theological perspective.  (I've just written a couple of devotions that emphasized the importance of keeping God in mind in all that we say and do, so this blog is probably a good place to try to put that in action.  Again, practicing what I preach--this is going to be hard!)

Strength:  Yes, this is the 'lose weight and get healthy' part of it.  Specifically I'm going to track what I eat in a logbook (something I've been doing on and off since August), weigh myself weekly, and make adjustments to my diet to try to keep it balanced, healthy, and results in my losing some poundage.  I'm also going to get on my recumbent bike for at least ten minutes a day, three times a week.  I know that's considerably less exercise than is recommended, but since quitting the gym two months ago I'm starting at zero.  I'll follow some advice I came across the other day and try to increase my exercise a little bit each month.  Even though my progress will be slow, I'll be establishing a habit with each increase, hopefully keeping it manageable and not getting discouraged.  When the weather improves I'll add some outdoor activities, but since I don't know exactly where I'll be living then, I'll reserve specifics until I have more information.  (Yes, we're moving again.  More on that later.)

So that's my Rule of Life for 2012.  I truly hope this will help make this year better than last year.  And the year before that.  And the year before that.  Wish me luck!