Don't get me wrong-- I love my husband and my kids. I love them more than life itself, and I wouldn't want to contemplate living without them. But the thing is, I have this daydream. In my daydream, life is simple. I live in a small, uncluttered studio apartment in the city (sometimes it's Boston, sometimes it's Manhattan, depending on my mood). It's a snap to clean, and it's quiet. I keep my own quirky schedule, because I live alone and I don't have to worry about carving out time for a 9-to-5-job-holding husband or messing up the routines of two small children. I go out frequently to shop for the necessities or run errands one or two at a time, because I don't have a car and I'm limited by how much I can carry. But it's the city, so everything's either walking distance or a short ride on the bus or subway. My life is simple, and quiet, and flexible.
In my daydream I'm not rich, but I live so simply that I don't need a lot of money, and I'm able to support myself with my writing. It's not like it was in my late teens and early twenties when I was working 60 hours a week at two crappy jobs I hated just to pay the rent on my should-have-been-condemned-by-the-Department-of-Health studio apartment. In my daydream, my studio is very nice, and I can pay for it just from writing.
Except I suffer from chronic insomnia, and if I'm writing out of the house full-time, I'll be spending all my time in my sleep area, making it very un-restful. That won't work. I'll need at least a one-bedroom apartment, so I can keep my sleeping area separate from my living and working area.
Wait a minute. Living and working area? Boundaries are important, and I'm going to need a way to unwind and relax when I'm not writing. Just moving to the couch and turning on the TV or opening a good book won't work if my computer is mocking me from three feet away. Since the sleep hygiene necessary for my insomnia prohibits my moving the computer or TV into my bedroom, clearly I need dedicated office space. So a two-bedroom apartment it is, with the second bedroom being used as office space and the living room as my living/recreation area.
Hmmm. A nice, two-bedroom apartment in the heart of the city. Manhattan is out--no way can I afford that! Boston's still possible, but a stretch. I don't think I could do it on writing alone, not right now anyway (hopefully someday my writing will really take off and it would be possible, but right now it's just not realistic). So I'll need to work an outside job. Part-time would be preferable, but a nice two-bedroom in a nice area of Boston? That'll require full-time work.
A full-time job while writing part-time from my not-so-small two-bedroom apartment. I'll need a cleaning lady to come every other week to dust and do the floors, kitchen, and bathroom. I hate cleaning, and that time would be better spent writing, anyway. Oh yes, and I'll need a car so I can do all my grocery shopping and whatnot in one quick trip. I might need to work some overtime.
You know, my daydream is beginning to sound pretty hectic and complicated. And lonely. Wouldn't it be nice to find someone to share the load, to enjoy each other's company over the mundane things like morning coffee and supper together after work, a simple, healthy supper at home that I would cook and he would do the dishes after.
And it would be nice to have a couple of kids. But the city's no place to raise them--we'd have to move to the suburbs. And daycare's so expensive, it would make more sense for me to stay home with them.
I'm sure I could fit writing in somehow...