No, not to my 36th residence (well, OK, yeah, that's happening too, but that's not the subject of this post). After nearly two years on Blogger, I'm moving over to Wordpress.
I've also got a fancy new domain name, one that I think will make it simpler for people to find me. See, when I started this blog in June 2011 (pretty much on a whim), I foolishly chose a long name for my blog and went with the free blogspot domain name. That resulted in my URL being karen-lifetheuniverseandeverything.blogspot.com, which I think you'll agree is pretty awkward. I also had no idea what I wanted this blog to be.
In the nearly two years of writing this blog, I've begun to figure out who I am as a writer. Perhaps the greatest discovery I've made is that I am a writer, not just someone who likes to write. So I haven't published a book yet. So my publishing credentials consist of a couple dozen sermons at www.DesperatePreacher.com and a single newspaper article that made it out of my journalism class and into the town paper back in high school. I have this blog. I have my independent publishing house Quiet Publications, where I'll begin publishing inspirational daily devotions on Sunday, May 19. That's also where I'll make available some bible studies I've written, and I have a number of longer writing projects I'm working on for that, both nonfiction and fiction. I'm also getting ready to launch another blog that will focus entirely on homeschooling, since that seems to be taking up a great deal of my time and attention these days, and I'm just at the very beginning of that journey!
But I also have opinions on politics and religion. I'd like to share some of my observations about what I see going on around me. I'd like to talk about the process of writing. I'd like a place where I can just be me and write whatever strikes my fancy, whether it's a profound insight on the human condition or a silly meme. As I continue to find my place as a religious writer, homeschool blogger, and novelist, I'd like to have one place to tie all that together.
So that's why I'd like you to bookmark and/or subscribe to the new home of Karen's Take on Life, the Universe, and Everything at www.KarenGoltz.com. (Creative, huh?)
I have ported all my archives (though not the comments--sorry!), and from now on, all future posts will be at www.KarenGoltz.com. I truly hope to see you over there!
Showing posts with label Quiet Publications. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Quiet Publications. Show all posts
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Book Review - Cell War Notebooks
This is a follow-up post to the Blog-a-Thon I did on January 31.
On January 1, 2009, Julie Forward DeMay began her blog cell war notebooks to document her “journey to healing;” she was battling cancer. On August 10, 2009, Julie died peacefully at home, only two days after her thirty-seventh birthday. This book is the collection of her blog posts.
Each post is given its own chapter, separating the book into short and easy to read segments. The book itself is short and can be read in a single sitting. The chapters are loosely centered around themes, but mostly chronicle Julie’s thoughts on any given day. Her writing style is casual and inviting, and the reader is drawn into the personal reflections of a young woman conscripted to fight a battle no one would ever choose for themselves, but which far too many must face nonetheless.
She begins optimistically, determined to defeat this invader in her body and resume her life. She is surrounded by the support of family and friends, and her love for her husband and five-year-old daughter are recurring themes throughout the book. But as treatment after treatment fails to deliver on the promise of good health, her optimism begins to turn to desperation. Continue reading...
On January 1, 2009, Julie Forward DeMay began her blog cell war notebooks to document her “journey to healing;” she was battling cancer. On August 10, 2009, Julie died peacefully at home, only two days after her thirty-seventh birthday. This book is the collection of her blog posts.
Each post is given its own chapter, separating the book into short and easy to read segments. The book itself is short and can be read in a single sitting. The chapters are loosely centered around themes, but mostly chronicle Julie’s thoughts on any given day. Her writing style is casual and inviting, and the reader is drawn into the personal reflections of a young woman conscripted to fight a battle no one would ever choose for themselves, but which far too many must face nonetheless.
She begins optimistically, determined to defeat this invader in her body and resume her life. She is surrounded by the support of family and friends, and her love for her husband and five-year-old daughter are recurring themes throughout the book. But as treatment after treatment fails to deliver on the promise of good health, her optimism begins to turn to desperation. Continue reading...
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Literary Pursuits - April 2013
Welcome to the second installment of Literary Pursuits. This is a monthly-ish feature of my blog intended to keep me honest about what I'm reading and writing. I last posted on March 1, and I missed my April 1 deadline by a few days. Oh well.
Anyway, here's where I stand with my reading:
1. Ingathering: The Complete People Stories by Zenna Henderson: Still slogging away on this one. It's a decent read, but I'll be happy when it's over and I can move on to other things. There are a lot of characters, many of whom are interrelated and not mentioned for multiple chapters at a time; it's tough to keep track when I'm only able to pick up the book for a few minutes every few days. I'm not abandoning it, though. I'm up to page 389 (up from 217 last month).
2. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte: Love having the classics on my phone for those random moments! I'm about halfway through chapter 16 (up from chapter 12 last month).
3. The Acts of the Apostles: I really need to get going on this one. My self-imposed deadline for publication of my "Gospel Agendas" bible study is the end of this month, and I can't edit the fourth session until I've reread this.
4. When "Spiritual But Not Religious" Is Not Enough by Lillian Daniel: I plan on writing a review for this book on Quiet Publications, but it's taking longer than I'd hoped. Not the book's fault; I've just gotten in the habit of reading my books for review on the stationary bike at the gym, and some things have gotten in the way of that lately. I'm currently on page 139 out of 215; I hope to finish soon.
Since last month I've finished reading How the Other Half Lives by Jacob A Riis and The Gospel According to Luke. I've decided to abandon Ethics by Dietrich Bonhoeffer for now. I'll pick that one up again when I'm not stretched so thin (whenever that mystical day may appear!).
And here's how I've progressed with my writing:
1. Quiet Devotions: My May 19 re-launch is bearing down on me, and I'm trying to get as many in the vault as I possibly can. I'm up to 85, which means I've written 27 since I last checked in. That's not a good start, since it's been 34 days. If I were already publishing, I'd be down 7. That's why I want so many in the vault before I begin!
2. Gospel Agendas Bible Study: I have finished rereading Luke's Gospel, but I haven't done any additional editing yet. DEADLINE APPROACHING! DEADLINE APPROACHING! GET TO WORK, KAREN!
3. Novel: I've actually made some good progress on this one, though I'm embarrassed to admit that the only way I can make time for it is by ditching the adult Sunday School at church and working on it while the kids are in their Sunday School class. My word count is now 8,423, so I've added 2,372 words in the last month. Stephen King advises writing at least a thousand words a day, but Stephen King never had my life. I'll take what I can get.
4. Memoir: I was putting a lot of work into this for a while, but have decided to slow down a bit. I need to let more time pass before I can even think about publishing it, so the pressure is off to get it done. I'll still work on it a bit while the memories are fresh, but mostly I'll be prioritizing my other projects. My current word count is 7,224, so I've added 763.
5. Quiet Publications Misc: Nothing active (other than the devotions) but another book review is coming soon.
6. Blog: I did a little better this month, with three original posts since the last Literary Pursuits. I've got two more planned (one of them sort of a meme, the other one original), and we'll just see where it goes.
7. Sermons: It's pulpit supply season! I've got two sermons due this month, and then sometime next month I'll begin covering a six-week paternity leave, so plenty more writing there.
Actually, when I add up the average length of my devotions, my novel, my memoir, and my four blog posts (including this one) my total word count since April 1 is 15,602, which averages out to 459 words per day, every day. It's still not King's 1,000, but it's nothing to be ashamed of, either.
What have you been up to?
Anyway, here's where I stand with my reading:
1. Ingathering: The Complete People Stories by Zenna Henderson: Still slogging away on this one. It's a decent read, but I'll be happy when it's over and I can move on to other things. There are a lot of characters, many of whom are interrelated and not mentioned for multiple chapters at a time; it's tough to keep track when I'm only able to pick up the book for a few minutes every few days. I'm not abandoning it, though. I'm up to page 389 (up from 217 last month).
2. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte: Love having the classics on my phone for those random moments! I'm about halfway through chapter 16 (up from chapter 12 last month).
3. The Acts of the Apostles: I really need to get going on this one. My self-imposed deadline for publication of my "Gospel Agendas" bible study is the end of this month, and I can't edit the fourth session until I've reread this.
4. When "Spiritual But Not Religious" Is Not Enough by Lillian Daniel: I plan on writing a review for this book on Quiet Publications, but it's taking longer than I'd hoped. Not the book's fault; I've just gotten in the habit of reading my books for review on the stationary bike at the gym, and some things have gotten in the way of that lately. I'm currently on page 139 out of 215; I hope to finish soon.
Since last month I've finished reading How the Other Half Lives by Jacob A Riis and The Gospel According to Luke. I've decided to abandon Ethics by Dietrich Bonhoeffer for now. I'll pick that one up again when I'm not stretched so thin (whenever that mystical day may appear!).
And here's how I've progressed with my writing:
1. Quiet Devotions: My May 19 re-launch is bearing down on me, and I'm trying to get as many in the vault as I possibly can. I'm up to 85, which means I've written 27 since I last checked in. That's not a good start, since it's been 34 days. If I were already publishing, I'd be down 7. That's why I want so many in the vault before I begin!
2. Gospel Agendas Bible Study: I have finished rereading Luke's Gospel, but I haven't done any additional editing yet. DEADLINE APPROACHING! DEADLINE APPROACHING! GET TO WORK, KAREN!
3. Novel: I've actually made some good progress on this one, though I'm embarrassed to admit that the only way I can make time for it is by ditching the adult Sunday School at church and working on it while the kids are in their Sunday School class. My word count is now 8,423, so I've added 2,372 words in the last month. Stephen King advises writing at least a thousand words a day, but Stephen King never had my life. I'll take what I can get.
4. Memoir: I was putting a lot of work into this for a while, but have decided to slow down a bit. I need to let more time pass before I can even think about publishing it, so the pressure is off to get it done. I'll still work on it a bit while the memories are fresh, but mostly I'll be prioritizing my other projects. My current word count is 7,224, so I've added 763.
5. Quiet Publications Misc: Nothing active (other than the devotions) but another book review is coming soon.
6. Blog: I did a little better this month, with three original posts since the last Literary Pursuits. I've got two more planned (one of them sort of a meme, the other one original), and we'll just see where it goes.
7. Sermons: It's pulpit supply season! I've got two sermons due this month, and then sometime next month I'll begin covering a six-week paternity leave, so plenty more writing there.
Actually, when I add up the average length of my devotions, my novel, my memoir, and my four blog posts (including this one) my total word count since April 1 is 15,602, which averages out to 459 words per day, every day. It's still not King's 1,000, but it's nothing to be ashamed of, either.
What have you been up to?
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Little Boo Boo, Big Problem
I am a writer, and writers write. Primarily, I type. But last Tuesday I was cutting some pork chops for supper, and I was going too fast with the knife my husband had recently sharpened at my request. No one noticed when I was suddenly standing in front of the sink, water from the faucet diluting the blood that was running down the drain. My husband noticed when I was kneeling in front of the sink, my hand still dangling over the basin, choosing to sit before I fell. My kids noticed when I ordered them to pause their TV (they've never watched anything that wasn't either on DVD or DVR) and get off the couch, because Mama needed to lie down. Tom brought me the blue bucket that is better known for catching throw-up than mopping floors, just in case.
Fortunately the bucket wasn't put into service, Tom finished cutting the pork chops, and the cut on my finger, though deep, didn't require stitches (or even a trip to the emergency room).
But it did make it very difficult to type.
OK, so the picture makes it look like just a little boo boo, but believe me, it bled and it hurt!
Myboo boo wound was located on the tip of my left index finger, exactly where I press down on my old, somewhat heavy IBM keyboard. If I twisted my finger enough to avoid hitting that part of it, all the other fingers on my left hand missed their keys. So I had to take a short break from most of my writing. The fact that I couldn't type well enough to write a new blog post wasn't a big deal, since I only blog sporadically anyway, and a two-week or more gap between posts is not unusual even under normal circumstances. But I'm frantically trying to get a large cushion of devotions for my May 19 relaunch of Quiet Devotions on www.QuietPublications.com. The goal I've set for myself is to write at least seven each week, preferably ten. Last week I wrote two. I've fallen behind again this week, but hope to catch up.
On the other hand (or perhaps I should say 'with' the other hand, if I'm going to be literal about it) I've been getting a little more done on my novel. While most of it is typed in a Word doc on my desktop, I also keep a copy of it on my phone for reference. And I keep a little notebook and pen in my purse, for when I have some extra time and don't happen to be near my computer. Or, in this case, for when my computer keyboard closely resembles a medieval torture device.
I'm able to type better now, but it does still hurt after a few minutes. So I'm writing this post and I'll try to catch up on this week's devotions, but I'm going to wait a bit before I type up the new handwritten pages for my novel.
And I've been a lot more respectful of that knife!
Fortunately the bucket wasn't put into service, Tom finished cutting the pork chops, and the cut on my finger, though deep, didn't require stitches (or even a trip to the emergency room).
But it did make it very difficult to type.
OK, so the picture makes it look like just a little boo boo, but believe me, it bled and it hurt!
My
On the other hand (or perhaps I should say 'with' the other hand, if I'm going to be literal about it) I've been getting a little more done on my novel. While most of it is typed in a Word doc on my desktop, I also keep a copy of it on my phone for reference. And I keep a little notebook and pen in my purse, for when I have some extra time and don't happen to be near my computer. Or, in this case, for when my computer keyboard closely resembles a medieval torture device.
I'm able to type better now, but it does still hurt after a few minutes. So I'm writing this post and I'll try to catch up on this week's devotions, but I'm going to wait a bit before I type up the new handwritten pages for my novel.
And I've been a lot more respectful of that knife!
Friday, March 1, 2013
Literary Pursuits - March 2013
I have a tendency to start projects and then, well, not finish them. It happens with crafts, books I'm reading, and writing projects. Since crafting is not a priority right now, my quilt, the kids' bedroom curtains, Naomi's dress, my sweater, and my latest afghan shall continue to languish in silent anonymity.
But I want to have better accountability with my reading and writing projects, and public humiliation seems as good a way as any to achieve that.
So as a (more or less) monthly feature of this blog, I'm going to post an update about my various literary pursuits.
First off, reading. It's been quite a while since I've only had one book going at a time. Currently I'm reading four-ish books (you'll understand the -ish when you get to it on the list). Most of this information is also on Goodreads, but I've decided to post it here, too.
1. How the Other Half Lives by Jacob A. Riis: First published in 1890 (yes, that's eighteen-ninety--I didn't transpose my numbers there) Riis chronicles his experiences in the tenement neighborhoods of New York. I love sociology and picked up this book eagerly, but while it's been informative (disturbingly so) it's also been a bit of a slog. I started reading it last summer, and I'm still working on it. Almost done, though. Currently on page 232. Hopefully this book will not appear on next month's installment of Literary Pursuits.
2. Ingathering: The Complete People Stories by Zenna Henderson: Recommended by my husband, this science fiction book has an interesting premise and is very well-written. However the chapters were originally independently published serials, and reading them one after the other is a bit tedious. It's a long book (571 pages) so I may be here for a while. I'm currently on page 217.
3. Ethics by Dietrich Bonhoeffer: I might have been a little premature picking up this one. I'm reading it partly because I've always wanted to, and partly because I'm planning to edit and publish a bible study I wrote several years ago based on themes in Bonhoeffer's Cost of Discipleship. I believe there's no such thing as too much Bonhoeffer, so I'm reading Ethics before I re-read Cost of Discipleship in an effort to better get into Bonhoeffer's thinking. It's very dense, but brilliant. I'm currently on page 41, though I haven't picked it up in over a month.
4. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte: A favorite I've read several times. I keep a library of classics on my Android so I'm never caught someplace without something to read, but my reading of a book this way is sporadic at best. Hard to say what page I'm on since phone versions are so variable, but I can say with confidence that I'm in chapter 12.
-ish. The Gospel According to Luke and The Acts of the Apostles: I'm trying to put a bible study I wrote last year into a format I can publish through Quiet Publications, and that's requiring me to go back and rework some of the lessons. Originally I had Luke-Acts as a single lesson, which was way too long. However separating them into two separate lessons has enabled me to expand my treatment of each slightly, so I'm rereading these two books to figure out how best to do that. (It's an -ish because they're part of the bible, which I'm not currently reading in its entirety. Or you could consider them two separate books in a single bound anthology. Or you could consider them one book in two volumes. Numbering it -ish was just easier!)
Now for what I'm writing.
1. Quiet Devotions: Last time I started Quiet Devotions, I only had six in the vault. With a daily publication schedule, I soon began to struggle to keep up. I fought stubbornly and kept it going for nearly ten months before I had to admit defeat. I plan to relaunch Quiet Devotions on Pentecost Sunday (May 19) and have been trying to write a few each week (minimum seven, preferably ten--I usually fall short). Currently I have 58 in the vault (up through July 15). Each month I'll indicate the number written since I last reported.
2. Gospel Agendas Bible Study: This is my reason for rereading Luke and Acts. I've completed the introduction, Session One, and Session Two. I'm currently expanding Sessions Three and Four.
3. Novel: I'm going to be vague on the details of this one until it's closer to being finished. My official word count is at 6,051, plus some handwritten pages in my travel notebook.
4. Memoir: This will chronicle my faith journey and ministry. Working title: Failed Pastor. You get the picture. Anyway, current word count is 6,461.
5. Quiet Publications Misc: I'm not working on anything this moment (other than the bible study), but I've recently published an article and two book reviews on Quiet Publications. I hope to continue doing that sort of thing on a somewhat regular basis.
6. Blog: Looking at my posts since the beginning of the year I see that I've been cheating by doing mostly memes or promotions for Quiet Publications. I'm in the process of revamping this blog (hence the new look), and it will soon have another new look, and a new address. But more on that later. In any case, it's time to start getting back here again a little more often, and letting all my adoring fans (go ahead and roll your eyes--I just did) know what's going on with me. This post you're reading now is a good start.
So those are my literary pursuits as they stand now. What are you reading or writing?
But I want to have better accountability with my reading and writing projects, and public humiliation seems as good a way as any to achieve that.
So as a (more or less) monthly feature of this blog, I'm going to post an update about my various literary pursuits.
First off, reading. It's been quite a while since I've only had one book going at a time. Currently I'm reading four-ish books (you'll understand the -ish when you get to it on the list). Most of this information is also on Goodreads, but I've decided to post it here, too.
1. How the Other Half Lives by Jacob A. Riis: First published in 1890 (yes, that's eighteen-ninety--I didn't transpose my numbers there) Riis chronicles his experiences in the tenement neighborhoods of New York. I love sociology and picked up this book eagerly, but while it's been informative (disturbingly so) it's also been a bit of a slog. I started reading it last summer, and I'm still working on it. Almost done, though. Currently on page 232. Hopefully this book will not appear on next month's installment of Literary Pursuits.
2. Ingathering: The Complete People Stories by Zenna Henderson: Recommended by my husband, this science fiction book has an interesting premise and is very well-written. However the chapters were originally independently published serials, and reading them one after the other is a bit tedious. It's a long book (571 pages) so I may be here for a while. I'm currently on page 217.
3. Ethics by Dietrich Bonhoeffer: I might have been a little premature picking up this one. I'm reading it partly because I've always wanted to, and partly because I'm planning to edit and publish a bible study I wrote several years ago based on themes in Bonhoeffer's Cost of Discipleship. I believe there's no such thing as too much Bonhoeffer, so I'm reading Ethics before I re-read Cost of Discipleship in an effort to better get into Bonhoeffer's thinking. It's very dense, but brilliant. I'm currently on page 41, though I haven't picked it up in over a month.
4. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte: A favorite I've read several times. I keep a library of classics on my Android so I'm never caught someplace without something to read, but my reading of a book this way is sporadic at best. Hard to say what page I'm on since phone versions are so variable, but I can say with confidence that I'm in chapter 12.
-ish. The Gospel According to Luke and The Acts of the Apostles: I'm trying to put a bible study I wrote last year into a format I can publish through Quiet Publications, and that's requiring me to go back and rework some of the lessons. Originally I had Luke-Acts as a single lesson, which was way too long. However separating them into two separate lessons has enabled me to expand my treatment of each slightly, so I'm rereading these two books to figure out how best to do that. (It's an -ish because they're part of the bible, which I'm not currently reading in its entirety. Or you could consider them two separate books in a single bound anthology. Or you could consider them one book in two volumes. Numbering it -ish was just easier!)
Now for what I'm writing.
1. Quiet Devotions: Last time I started Quiet Devotions, I only had six in the vault. With a daily publication schedule, I soon began to struggle to keep up. I fought stubbornly and kept it going for nearly ten months before I had to admit defeat. I plan to relaunch Quiet Devotions on Pentecost Sunday (May 19) and have been trying to write a few each week (minimum seven, preferably ten--I usually fall short). Currently I have 58 in the vault (up through July 15). Each month I'll indicate the number written since I last reported.
2. Gospel Agendas Bible Study: This is my reason for rereading Luke and Acts. I've completed the introduction, Session One, and Session Two. I'm currently expanding Sessions Three and Four.
3. Novel: I'm going to be vague on the details of this one until it's closer to being finished. My official word count is at 6,051, plus some handwritten pages in my travel notebook.
4. Memoir: This will chronicle my faith journey and ministry. Working title: Failed Pastor. You get the picture. Anyway, current word count is 6,461.
5. Quiet Publications Misc: I'm not working on anything this moment (other than the bible study), but I've recently published an article and two book reviews on Quiet Publications. I hope to continue doing that sort of thing on a somewhat regular basis.
6. Blog: Looking at my posts since the beginning of the year I see that I've been cheating by doing mostly memes or promotions for Quiet Publications. I'm in the process of revamping this blog (hence the new look), and it will soon have another new look, and a new address. But more on that later. In any case, it's time to start getting back here again a little more often, and letting all my adoring fans (go ahead and roll your eyes--I just did) know what's going on with me. This post you're reading now is a good start.
So those are my literary pursuits as they stand now. What are you reading or writing?
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Book Review: The Marriage Manifesto
I'm now writing book reviews over at Quiet Publications. I was just getting ready to cross-post my second review when I realized that I neglected to cross-post my first one. Oops!
So without further ado, here is a link to my review of The Marriage Manifesto by Kelly M. Flanagan, PhD. I'll provide a link to my second review in a week or so (though it's there now, if you want to read it).
In his first e-book, Dr. Kelly Flanagan addresses how the consumerism that shapes modern life infects and damages marriages as well. Using examples from his personal life and popular culture, Flanagan clearly outlines what the reader can expect in the preface and introduction. His first two chapters frame his argument nicely and provide realistic expectations for people who are looking for help with their marriages. He also provides advice for those who feel they are in abusive relationships, and recommends a course of individual—opposed to marital—therapy. Flanagan is careful to affirm the inherent worth of the individual regardless of whether the marriage ultimately thrives or fails.
That affirmation of the individual’s inherent worth, along with a call for acceptance of one’s imperfections (both one’s own and one’s spouse’s) is the strongest message of the remaining chapters, even stronger than the threat from consumerism in marriage. (Continue reading.)
So without further ado, here is a link to my review of The Marriage Manifesto by Kelly M. Flanagan, PhD. I'll provide a link to my second review in a week or so (though it's there now, if you want to read it).
In his first e-book, Dr. Kelly Flanagan addresses how the consumerism that shapes modern life infects and damages marriages as well. Using examples from his personal life and popular culture, Flanagan clearly outlines what the reader can expect in the preface and introduction. His first two chapters frame his argument nicely and provide realistic expectations for people who are looking for help with their marriages. He also provides advice for those who feel they are in abusive relationships, and recommends a course of individual—opposed to marital—therapy. Flanagan is careful to affirm the inherent worth of the individual regardless of whether the marriage ultimately thrives or fails.
That affirmation of the individual’s inherent worth, along with a call for acceptance of one’s imperfections (both one’s own and one’s spouse’s) is the strongest message of the remaining chapters, even stronger than the threat from consumerism in marriage. (Continue reading.)
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Indies Forward: The Cell War Notebooks Blog-a-Thon
January
31st is IndiesForward day – a special blogging event dedicated to
spreading the legacy of Julie Forward DeMay and her touching memoir, The
Cell War Notebooks.
What
would you do when faced with a battle for your life? Author, photographer and
creative spirit Julie Forward DeMay took on her fight with cervical cancer like
she was playing for the new high score in her favorite video game, Asteroids.
Inspiring, witty, beautiful and brutally honest, The Cell War Notebooks is a compilation of the blog Julie kept
during the last seven months of her life. It’s a powerful read for anyone,
whether your life has been touched by cancer or not. Check out the paperback on
Amazon and keep up with the latest news on Facebook. All proceeds from book
sales go to Julie’s nine year-old daughter Luka.
The Cell War Notebooks on Amazon: http://amzn.to/W17WN4 (This is NOT an
affiliate link)
The Cell War Notebooks on Facebook: http://facebook.com/cellwarnotebooks
Julie’s
Original Blog: http://cellwarnotebooks.blogspot.com
Duolit’s
IndiesForward Page: http://selfpublishingteam.com/indiesforward
I haven't read The Cell War Notebooks yet, but I have ordered it from Amazon, and will post a review of it over at Quiet Publications soon.
Those of us participating in Indies Forward have been asked to write about an obstacle we've overcome, how cancer has touched our lives, or something that gives us inspiration to push forward every day.
Cancer is a nightmare that hasn't touched me directly, and I can only imagine what it must be like to find the strength to battle it day in and day out. A battle I am familiar with, however, is depression. I know what it feels like to not be able to get out of bed in the morning. Or afternoon. Or evening. I know what it's like to think about everything that is waiting for me out in the world--both the good and the bad--and realize that I have no desire to do any of it.
This isn't my life every day; I have periods of days or weeks (though usually not months) when I'm doing pretty well. And then I have periods of days or weeks (and on a few horrible occasions, months) when every day is a struggle. But I no longer allow myself to just lie in bed all day when I'm gripped with a deep depression.
I'd like to tell you my secret is something amazing, courageous, triumphant, etc. But it really boils down to duty.
Duty and obligation.
Duty and obligation that are born out of love.
I am married to a wonderful man, and we have two wonderful children. I'm also a stay-at-home and homeschooling mom, and my husband and I have divvied up our responsibilities along fairly (though not rigidly) traditional lines. As the sole breadwinner my husband simply has to work every day. Which means I have to get out of bed and take care of our three-year-old daughter and four-year-old son. Whether I want to or not.
What gets me out of bed is knowing that I am the Mom. This is my job. And the kids will suffer if I don't do my job. And this consequence to them resonates with me, because I was raised by a Mom who often didn't do her job because of depression. I'm still living with those consequences decades later, and I do not want to burden my kids in the same way.
When I'm in a deep depression, I can't feel love. I can't feel joy at their antics. I don't even feel frustration when they get into trouble. I'm just empty. So trying to remember how much I love them is ineffective as a motivator, because depression prevents me from feeling that love. But duty and obligation don't require me to feel anything. I just have to do it. And if things need to get done, then I can make myself do them.
I'm not up to my usual standards at those times, but as an incurable perfectionist I rarely am anyway. I see what needs to get done and I do it, no feelings required, no feelings present.
Or are they?
In 2006 I had a six month period when I could barely get off the couch. (Did you know that it takes less than twenty-four hours to watch an entire season of 24? It's true!) Getting to the grocery store was a major accomplishment. There were a lot of things I needed to get done then, but frequently didn't. I wasn't married, and I didn't have kids.
The periods of depression I have now are no less severe (2010 was a particularly rough year), but I manage to do the things that need doing. Why? Because my husband and my kids need me to. And even though I may not be able to access my feelings of love for them, that love is what compels me to get up and get busy. That love is what inspires my sense of duty and obligation. If I didn't love them, then I wouldn't care about their suffering for my inaction any more than I'd care about my own (which is very little). But depression can only block me from feeling love; it doesn't stop me from having it.
I hope I never have to face a diagnosis of cancer and fight the battle that Julie Forward DeMay had to fight. But if I ever do, I trust that the love I have for my family would inspire the sense of duty and obligation necessary to fight it with everything I have, and that would be a gift to them, regardless of the outcome.
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